ELI5: How to trade Bitcoin in 2019 (Noob version)

Description: One year from now this will turn out to be true! Will you be a real one? And have my back when the SEC comes for Loops?
Timeframe:Next 14 months. Pointed out all the main action. Now you have zero reason NOT TO become filthy rich in life.
Indicators used: "Come on man"
Shout out to: My accountant for setting up LLC's with numbers that barely match.