Bitcoin Syndrome

22 jun 2021

Bitcoin Syndrome
Also known as Obsessive Bitcoin Disorder

By Dr. Pumpeet Upderr
- New Journal of Rekt Medicine, 2023

According to the DSM-13, Bitcoin Syndrome (BS) is “a mental disorder characterized by continuous, obsessive, or intrusive thoughts about the price of Bitcoin.”

Many BS sufferers obsess over the price of Bitcoin for the majority of their waking hours, causing disruptions like loss of focus, poor job performance, decreased motivation, relationship problems, and substance abuse disorders.

Those with BS are known to check the price of Bitcoin up to 100 times per hour. Similar to those with gambling disorders, Bitcoin traders are known to consume alcohol and smoke cannabis to alleviate the symptoms of Bitcoin Syndrome.

Some BS sufferers reported dreaming about Bitcoin price movements, most often during turbulent market conditions. We note the highest spike in reports of Bitcoin Syndrome immediately following a price increase or decline of 10 percent.

The physiological effects of Bitcoin Syndrome are similar to anxiety, depression, and panic disorder:

• fear, uneasiness
  
• restlessness
  
• elevated heart rate
  
• irregular heartbeat (palpitations)
  
• muscle tension
  
• hyperventilation
  
• perspiration
  
• insomnia
  
• brain fog
  
• substance abuse (alcohol, cannabis, stimulants, psychedelics)
  
• intensely avoiding either Bitcoin bulls or bears who hold opposing views on the market
  

Overall, our researchers noted four broad categories of secondary psychological affects developed by those investing, trading, or analyzing cryptocurrencies and blockchain tokens. Amongst our study participants, the worst BS symptoms were experienced by Group 1 and Group 2, while the least severe symptoms were observed in Group 4.

Group 1 – The Icarus Newcoiners: New participants to the market who experience significant portfolio gains during a bull cycle. Icarus Bitcoiners are known for developing a sense of overconfidence that leads to reckless decision making and gambling behaviour.

Common symptoms:

• narcissistic personality disorder
  
• gambling disorder
  
• substance abuse
  
• risky sexual behaviour
  

Notable examples: Elon Musk, Michael Saylor, your Zoomer relative that won’t stop talking about Bitcoin at family events.

Group 2 – The Late Buyers: Latecomers to the market who buy blockchain tokens near the top of the cycle and only experience portfolio declines, often leading to irrational villainization and scapegoating (Elon Musk followers that bought Dogecoin). Many in Group 2 develop sudden depressive disorder and a loss of personal confidence during market downturns.

Common symptoms include:

• Depression
  
• Insomnia
  
• Anxiety
  
• Loss of focus
  
• Substance abuse
  
• Decline in sexual activity
  

Notable examples: Kevin O’Leary, Marc Cuban, Elon Musk cultists

Group 3: Non-participants: Also referred to by the Bitcoin community as “Nocoiners,” these people follow Bitcoin price movements while holding casual contempt for participants who invest in blockchain technology. We were not able to collect sufficient data from the Nocoiners.

Common symptoms include:

• Emotional outbursts
  
• Anger
  
• Antisocial behaviour towards those with opposing viewpoints
  

Notable examples: Peter Brandt, Jamie Dimon, Donald Trump

Group 4: OG-Crypto
This group includes market participants who have experienced at least one complete markup phase (bull market) and one complete markdown phase (bear market).

The experiences of our Group 4 participants varied wildly; the only commonality gleaned from our data was recreational cannabis use and a philosophically-driven “buy and hold” strategy.

Common traits exhibited in Group 4 include:

• High testosterone
  
• Increased muscle mass
  
• Enlarged pen
  

Notable examples: Andres Antonopoulos, Arthur Hayes, Charlie Lee

Note: There is no known treatment available for Bitcoin Syndrome, but early experiments show promise from charting abstinence, regular exercise, and mindfulness meditation. If you know somebody suffering from Bitcoin Syndrome, contact your healthcare provider.